


You're still a real man

by HyperfixatedThoughts



Category: Kingsman (Movies), Kingsman (Movies) RPF
Genre: Bottom growth mention, Comfort Sex, Crying, Crying During Sex, Crying Merlin, Gay, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Grinding, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men Crying, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Non-Penetrative Sex, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:00:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28795788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyperfixatedThoughts/pseuds/HyperfixatedThoughts
Summary: Prompt: Trans character - Comfort about sexShip: Merwin - Trans MerlinSexual:  Yes, eventuallyEggsy and Merlin had been gong on dates for a while. The pair were taking it slow naturally, however there was a development Merlin wasn't quite ready for making him panic.
Relationships: Merlin/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Kudos: 9





	You're still a real man

**Author's Note:**

> I understand this isn't everyone's cup of tea but it's what i felt like writing. I'm trans myself so i don't find anything i wrote problematic or to be fetishizing trans people. However if you worry it could be dysphoria inducing please read with caution or don't read.

Merlin was scared, he wasn't expecting Eggsy to ever want to get this close to him. They had went on three dates together now and somehow the lad still wasn't scared away. The lad was a fit 27 year old agent who travelled the world. What would he ever want with a 53 year old geek with no social skills? He didn't even know the worst thing about him yet. A secret only Harry and medical knew.

* Time skip - After fourth date *

The pair had yet another amazing date. Somehow Eggsy was still just as interested in him, if not more than before. He had made clear throughout the night how much he enjoyed Merlin's company and just about everything to do with him. Age didn't matter to him. It was the first time that Eggsy had asked if he wanted to join him at his flat for a little and he had accepted.

E"Would you like to continue with alcohol or just tea now?"

"Just a tea for me now please Eggsy. I don't drink in large amounts usually."

"No problem, I'll have one too. Feel free to go to the front room, make yourself at home."

"Thank ye." Merlin says as he leaves for the front room to allow himself a minuet of breathing space. Eggsy was more than he could ever ask for. He took all his quirks in his stride and loved him for who he was. He didn't want to give himself false hope and dwell on how right this all felt.

E "Here you go" Eggsy says as he's suddenly in front of him holding a mug out for him.

M "Thank ye." Merrlin says quietly as he takes the mug. Eggsy sits himself next to him. A little closer than they usually would.

E "Have you had a good night?"

M "I've had a wonderful night lad, thank ye."

E "You've thanked me a lot Merlin, you don't need to. It's honestly a pleasure, I love spending time with you outside of work."

M "And I you."

The pair sat in relative silence after that. It wasn't until Eggsy finished his tea that he spoke up.

E "Merlin, I really like you. I never wanted to push any of this but I need you to know how I feel. I haven't felt this way for anyone and it's honestly scary, but I think I know you well enough that I can trust you, it's fine if you don't feel this for me I just - "

M "I like you a lot too Eggsy." Merlin says just loud enough to cut off the other mans ramblings. Eggsy quickly stopped his rambling and looked over to Merlin. 

E "Can I kiss you?" 

M "Please."

That was all it took and Eggsy's hands cupped Merlin's face as he brought his chapped lips down to Merlin's. The kiss was amazing, Merlin wanted to cry. He hadn't felt so connected to someone in such a long time, but this was all gonna fall apart. He lets the lad pull him into his lap but as soon as he feels Eggsy thrust his hips up slightly, feeling him getting hard, he has to pull away. Quickly hiding his face into the younger mans neck.

E "I'm sorry, was I moving too quick? We can stop at any point. I wanna keep you comfortable."

He didn't deserve how nice he was being, not after deceiving him for so long. He didn't even realise he was crying until Eggsy lifts his head to wipe his tears.

E "You're okay Merlin, I've got you" He mutters as he tucks the mans head back down.

M "I'm sorry" He finally works up the courage to say.

E "What for?"

M "I-I can't do this to you lad" Merlin says as he moves to get out his lap. It left him feeling cold but he had to.

E "Wait, please" Eggsy pleads as he grabs the older mans wrist. 

E "I won't make you sit in my lap but please stay and talk." He says and moves to the corner of the couch to make more room. Merlin contemplates it for a few moments. He wanted to run but just looking a Eggsy he couldn't break the lad like that. 

He slowly sat back down, more space between them but he didn't push himself into the corner.

M "I've deceived ye lad." He said eventually

E "How do you mean?"

M "I'm not - probably not the man you're expecting me to be. I should have told you from the start. I know you won't want a man like me."

E "Oh yeah? and what sorta man is tha" His accent slipping as he gets more stubborn. The fight in his voice made merlin more upset. That was all going to be lost soon. Regardless of Eggsy saying he would love him regardless he knew this was always the exception to the rule.

M "A man without a dick" He spits bitterly, wanting the lad to hurry and hate him so he could go home and allow himself to wallow in self pity for a little.

E "That's all? What difference does that make?" Eggsy looked genuinely confused of why Merlin expected him to hate him, which in turn confused Merlin.

M "Maybe the fact you're gay and I still have female anatomy? Don't have a chest but I don't have a chest but I don't have a dick either." 

E "I am gay, I'm attracted to men, you're a man. I couldn't be arsed what's in between your legs. Don't you also like grow a mini dick when on hormones?"

M "I- yeah you do." He splutters out, still in shock. 

E "So you do have a dick, just on the small side."

At this point Merlin can't help but to throw himself into the lads arms. He seems shocked by this but wraps his arms around him anyway.

M "God lad, I'm sorry for ever doubting you. I'm sorry if I made you sound or feel bad. I let bad past experiences taint my judgement on how you would react."

E "No It's okay, I can imagine it can't have been easy."

M "Dating hasn't been easy. I haven't really dated since I was in my 20's. Harry helped me get surgery with Kingsman then I wanted to try dating again but the guy I started liking was disgusted so I threw myself into work. Kingsman and Merlin was my my new life, a new identity I could claim and turn into exactly what I wanted."

E "I'm sorry you were treated so badly, let me show you how amazing you are. Let me show you how you deserve to be treated." Eggsy says as captures Merlins lips in his own again. He peppers kisses all over his face then stops before he reaches his neck.

E "Where am I allowed to touch and where is a definite no, even if its just initially."

Merlin swallowed the lump in his throat at the question. He should have known the lad wouldn't just assume.

M "Chest fine, my nipples never regained feeling fully so don't spend too long trying to get a reaction from me or take offence if I don't react. Only other place to be careful is my dick for now, please don't try put anything inside me, not for now. Only over my boxers for now, I don't know if I'm ready for you to see me properly." Merlin forces himself to communicate, it's the least eh can do even if hit scared him.

E "Only hands or can I use my mouth"

There's a question he wasn't expecting. He didn't think he would want his mouth anywhere despite being okay with his body. He felt his dick throb at the thought anyway.

M "I- No ones ever, yeah" his words died on his tongue as embarrassment seeped in.

E "Okay baby, I'll be careful. How about I start with my hand and if you want more then you ask. Don't be scared to ask. Just wanna make you feel good"

M "Please kiss me again" Eggsy happily obliges as he cups Merlins face in his hands. This time Merlin doesn't shy away as Eggsy moves his hands to his hips, lifting his jumper slightly to rest his hands there. It's not long before his hands move from their resting place and roam over his stomach to his chest. Merlin has to fight himself not to close in on himself as he does so but luckily the other man doesn't keep his hands still for long.

E "Everything still okay? I felt you start to panic, what was it?"

Merlin should know he cant hide anything from a fucking spy.

M "It's okay I just thought you were stopping on my chest. Made me feel a little weird is all."

E "I wasn't going to but I'll make sure I don't."

Merlin has no idea how the lad is still having a full conversation, Merlin was panting between every word but he seemed almost un phased by the nights events. If he couldn't feel how hard the lad was under him he mght be tempted to feel a little offended. It just shows Eggsy was putting his needs first. His own dick has been hard since they started. He could feel the dampness of his boxers and he hopes that Eggsy won't be turned off by it. He allows himself a slow grind over his hard dick occasionally but not too much as he knows that he wont be lasting long if he does so. 

M "Thank ye." was all Merlin could manage to gasp out as the lads hands go back to his hips but this time they're edging in further and moving down to his trousers.

E "Except for the things you've told me to avoid, I'm gonna treat you like i would any cis guy I've been with. Just tell me if I need to change what I'm doing." He nods in reply, he would verbally respond but thats the moment Eggsy loops his fingers in his trousers and pulls him forward for a hard grind over his dick, the both of them letting out a moan at this. Enjoying the response Eggsy keeps doing this, thrusting his hips as he does so.

M "As much as this feels amazing I know I'm not gonna last much longer. I'm sorry we haven't got far"

E "I probably wont last long myself, I don't care how far we've got." The lad says as he bucks his hips back up. At that frust Merlin stope Egsy again, he removes himself from his lap long enough to remove his trousers, leaving his boxers on. Eggsy seems shocked by the action but quickly removes his own jeans so that Merlin can get back into his lap.

M "Fuck" Merlin gasps out at the contact, hearing Eggsy mutter simmilarly

E "Fuck I can feel how hard you are." 

Gaining confidence Merlin takes initiative and grinds down more onto the lads dick, leaning down to suck and bite over his neck. Pleased with himself that he made him loose his composure. They keep going for a little until Eggsy joins in again and they both thrust and angle themselves just right so that both their cockheads rub against each other. At this Merlin looses all strength in his arms as he falls back into the other mans neck.

E "I got you, you rest there."

Eggsy continues to thrust his hips up against Merlins, grinding their dicks together now with every thrust.

M "Eggsy I'm really not gonna last long." Merlin groans out as he feels himself getting close.

E "You can let go, cum for me."

At that he feels himself tip over, Eggsy soon following. It wasn't until his come down that he feels how tight he was holding onto the other man. He loosens his grip slightly and apologises shyly.

E "It's perfectly fine. Was that good?"

M "Very, ye were perfect." Merlin kisses him again, happy that he returns it and it wasn't just in the moment.

E "How about you stay the night. I have clothes you can borrow - we don't have to do anything. Just sleep."

M "Aye, I'd like that."

E "I'll just be a minuet." He says as he jumps up from the couch, making sure Merlin is sat on the couch comfortably.

Merlin takes this moment to answer Harrys endless messages, he obviously trusted Eggsy but he was already very protective of Merlin.

\- how was the date

\- are you home?

\- I'm hoping your lack of response is good

\- i didn't want to intrude but i see your location is at Eggsys, stay safe

\- please message that you're okay so i can rest easy

\- does he know?

Merlin sighs at all the messages but he can't hate it, this way he knows that he always has someone in his corner.

Merlins reply; He knows now, he's great. Tonight was amazing. I'm spending the night so talk tomorow.

Harry replied almost instantly so he must've been waiting. 'Enjoy yourself, you deserve it my friend.'

E "I brought boxers, a shirt and trousers. I didn't know how much or little you would want to wear, whatever you choose is up to you." He looks like he's desperatley waiting to see if he's done the right thing, Merlin smiles at him and he returns it twice as big.

M "Thank you lad, you don't mind if I'm shirtless?"

E "Not at all, there is nothing that's gonna put me off. We're completely equal."

M "I'll just take the trousers then." he says grabbing them then escaping to the bathroom. By the time he was done and found his way to the bedroom he finds Eggsy already in bed waiting for him. When he lifted the covers he could see that the other man was dressed the same. After a few years of watching over the lads missions he knew that the lad would usually sleep in boxers and if it was private enough then he would typically sleep naked, he has a feeling that it was done for him so they were dressed the same. Like he said earlier, they were equal.

E "They fit okay?"

M "Aye lad, they fit great."

E "I guess you briefed Harry? I'm not mad before you worry."

M " What's he done?"

E "Nothing bad, just reminded me if I hurt you he can kill me and dispose of the boy very easily, adopted son or not. Apart from that just saying he's happy things are going well."

M "I guess it could have been worse knowing Harry, aye I told him I was spending the night and you knew I was trans."

E "Fair enough, now c'mere." Eggsy says holding his arms out for Merlin to come closer.

Merlin sighed to seem put out by the idea but he happily moved closer. He laid his head on his chest and put his arms around the lads waist. 

E "Comfy?" 

M "Very much so, goodnight Eggsy"

E "Goodnight Merlin."


End file.
